he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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