Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
