Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
