everyone is single if you try hard enough
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
