Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize