why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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