I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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