Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
