Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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