my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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