eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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