Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.