the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We left the knife in your bed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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