A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
