Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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