I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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