whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
