he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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