He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And then he peed in my hair
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