# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So squirting runs in the family.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
