so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
