I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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