I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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