he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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