I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
