we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
