i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
