So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize