The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
