oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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