Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
