You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
