dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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