So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
