I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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