I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
