I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
