sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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