Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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