I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
