I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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