i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
