Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
