dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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