I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
