from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
