jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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