i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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