nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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