I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
