if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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