I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
