Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
