The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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