This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
