You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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