Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
