Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
