mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's the barista slut.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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