Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
