2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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